A few weeks ago, in a Marketplace Mores column, Matthew Lynn of Bloomberg News published a piece that declared, “If you want to be wealthy, it helps to be rude to people”.
He cited research conducted by the University of California, Berkeley, on students from various socio-economic backgrounds. The wealthier students tended to be more disinterested in others and less likely to engage in conversation than their less-privileged brethren. The psychologists concluded that what they were seeing was a reflection of basic animal behaviour: the higher animals are in the food chain, the stronger and fitter they are, the less they need others. “It is the experience of wealth that leads individuals to become disengaged”, observed Professor Dacher Keltner.
With this as the backdrop, Lynn then talks about CEOs, who he has found to be, often enough, an unpleasant bunch. “They bully, cajole, threaten and fume. There are very few examples of (CEOs) flattering or charming their way to the top. The accumulation of wealth requires an ability to crush rivals, stamp on employees, and sweep aside all opposition. Charm doesn’t come into it.”
I disagree. It is true that some chief executives can be… how should I put it?… determined. It is also true that some can be downright aggressive when push comes to shove. But I would argue that the ability to lay on the charm when and as required is a fundamental skill that most decent CEOs have mastered.
Engaging with others, generous listening, sending “I’m interested” signals… all enable successful leaders to enroll employees in corporate programs, secure the loyalty of customers in negotiations, create alliances, finesse bank loans, enthuse analysts, etc.
Most customers and suppliers will push back when they feel they are being bullied. Rudeness would be rebuffed vigorously. Balance of power is often established behind the scenes, while the more visible road to good intentions is being paved thickly with charm. Sometimes it works the other way around. One player is allowed to make public points if he is willing to make private concessions. There’s winning and there’s winning.
Employees are more easily cowed by authority; the fundamentals of hierarchal behaviour are well ingrained in most of us. But the true enrollment of employees, instilling real excitement, involvement and commitment, is not possible without first creating a belief in the sincerity and caring of the CEO. A ‘charming’ CEO will always get the benefit of the doubt. At least the first time.
CEOs tend to talk to other CEOs. Alliances, in theory a coming together of equals, can not be consummated if one potential partner aggressively pushes a win-lose scenario on another equally ‘determined’ chief executive. I have seen many an alliance and numerous potential acquisitions founder, not on the basis of due diligence but because of ego-driven obstinacy and the inability to finesse, i.e., charm, one’s way past clearly surmountable stumbling blocks.
By the way, if you are going to be rude, you had better be the CEO. It is a trait less tolerated by superiors, peers and staff as you work your way down the org chart. And it is one I’ve seen used as an excuse when staffing sacrifices have to be made.
In most cases, charm is a first resort, bullying the last. Power, wrapped in a smile, is almost impossible to resist. It is the ultimate expression of walking softly but carrying a big stick.
